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I found myself concentrating on the sensations of shifting. At first, I felt my face lengthening, a kind of shifting, face pushing forth --- a kind of 'abrasive' feel, raspy, as if skin was being stretched. Then, I concentrated on my body - my paws. Green trees rushed past. Then, the next thing I knew was that I was running. God, the speed! It felt as if dawn breaking over a military installation of sorts, all golden with the morning sun. The images came in vivid flashes. I ran and there were people shouting at me, men in army uniforms and guns. I think I growled or snarled. One tried to take pictures of me, two had guns, machine guns. It was odd --- everything reminded me of a wolf or a dog when it was running. Knee-level. Everything was happening so fast. I ran, weaving in and out and the soldiers were trying to catch me. I was lucid and I lodged in and out, running at full speed. I ran and I saw myself in glimpses on window panes --- I had a black coat. I found myself in the back of some building (still part of the military base?) I think I wanted to see myself. But soon, I **felt** my wolf features weakening - my face shrank a little. I tried to refocus myself. I continued to run and I soon found myself away from the military camp. There was a park, lined with pine trees (like the drive way at King's Park) and there was a lake next to it. I ran and I tried to change into a dragon (???). My back burned. My neck lengthened. Then, I made an experimental exercise of my wings and I was off. But somehow, the transformation was weakening…
I have experienced a very surreal but very lucid dream whereby I experienced physical shift/transformation:
It started with me cleaning house or something and I tried to spray the wasps' nets with a can of insecticide. But it turned out that the wasps were still alive and they started to become quite angry. The thing was that I was outside the flat/apartment… and my sister got stung. (The only problem is that I don’t have a sister!).
I followed her to a huge communal toilet where she cried and danced around. Could still remember seeing the dead wasp in the sink and I tried to drown it with hot water. My mom soon appeared, similarly stung and she and my dream-sister half-danced, half-cried…
Now the dream turned weird here. Out of nowhere, my old school-friends appeared and someone was dishing out an odd red brew. I could still remember seeing Clara and friends. And she was still in our school uniform!
Then, Clara mentioned that she was going to a howling and I was invited, even though I informed I belonged to another circle of friends. It seemed that I knew what a howling was. We walked out of the toilet (sister and mom forgotten) and the next thing I knew was that we were walking in a housing estate. Then, we were off running. My God… the speed…it was exhilarating… I felt as if I was flying through the air (even though I was clad in my uniform!). I sped down a hill, following the others… and we reached a small field/meadow. This field/meadow had a patch of green grass (or clover?) and the patch was shaped circularly. There were three sheep in the field: a male, a female and a baby. Some of the girls played with and carried the baby sheep (lamb) which was white as snow and fluffy…
Clara appeared next to me with a plate of oatmeal or some cereal. It was colored, the oatmeal/cereal, a light pink and shaped vaguely like one of those love-hearted. The center of the love-heart was a darker red (or pink). She told me to spit into it but I hesitated. So, another girl did and Clara mashed the spit and the cereal with her fingers. She soon passed the plate around and we took a small portion, eating it (without feeling revulsion or anything). She asked us to move to the circle of grass where we encircled it. As I walked, I could see a herd of people behind a red gate in the distant and remembered thinking them they were sheep.
here's where the dream got interesting...
I soon realized that my fingers were getting blunt. They looked as if they had been squashed at the finger-tips by some Acme hammer. I noticed the other girls having the same problem/experience. I felt exhilarated for some reason. As I watched, the fingers became more blunt and they began to fuse. Around this time, I was making soft noises like grunts and gasps. I felt myself shrinking… my back bent and I did, staring at the ground as my spine curved. My hands were turning black now, becoming more and more like paws. I forced myself to look up and the rest of the circle was experiencing the same thing, in a greater or lesser degree. I felt no fear in this transformation, only joy and exhilaration. Then, I noticed my left hand…my paw… a black paw. I could see the faces of my friends fading… becoming more beast-like and I felt that my face mirrored the same…
I woke up, thinking: "God, I shifted..." I remembered the sensations of the shift/transformation very vividly. I could FEEL my back bending. I could FEEL my fingers fusing… There was no pain though… It was physical shift of sorts… a partial one… and it was memorable!
The dream-shift has etched something in my mind and I am still feeling a little "weird"... *smile* I actually drew out the stages of physical transformation in the dream. Will get them scanned...
It started with me cleaning house or something and I tried to spray the wasps' nets with a can of insecticide. But it turned out that the wasps were still alive and they started to become quite angry. The thing was that I was outside the flat/apartment… and my sister got stung. (The only problem is that I don’t have a sister!).
I followed her to a huge communal toilet where she cried and danced around. Could still remember seeing the dead wasp in the sink and I tried to drown it with hot water. My mom soon appeared, similarly stung and she and my dream-sister half-danced, half-cried…
Now the dream turned weird here. Out of nowhere, my old school-friends appeared and someone was dishing out an odd red brew. I could still remember seeing Clara and friends. And she was still in our school uniform!
Then, Clara mentioned that she was going to a howling and I was invited, even though I informed I belonged to another circle of friends. It seemed that I knew what a howling was. We walked out of the toilet (sister and mom forgotten) and the next thing I knew was that we were walking in a housing estate. Then, we were off running. My God… the speed…it was exhilarating… I felt as if I was flying through the air (even though I was clad in my uniform!). I sped down a hill, following the others… and we reached a small field/meadow. This field/meadow had a patch of green grass (or clover?) and the patch was shaped circularly. There were three sheep in the field: a male, a female and a baby. Some of the girls played with and carried the baby sheep (lamb) which was white as snow and fluffy…
Clara appeared next to me with a plate of oatmeal or some cereal. It was colored, the oatmeal/cereal, a light pink and shaped vaguely like one of those love-hearted. The center of the love-heart was a darker red (or pink). She told me to spit into it but I hesitated. So, another girl did and Clara mashed the spit and the cereal with her fingers. She soon passed the plate around and we took a small portion, eating it (without feeling revulsion or anything). She asked us to move to the circle of grass where we encircled it. As I walked, I could see a herd of people behind a red gate in the distant and remembered thinking them they were sheep.
here's where the dream got interesting...
I soon realized that my fingers were getting blunt. They looked as if they had been squashed at the finger-tips by some Acme hammer. I noticed the other girls having the same problem/experience. I felt exhilarated for some reason. As I watched, the fingers became more blunt and they began to fuse. Around this time, I was making soft noises like grunts and gasps. I felt myself shrinking… my back bent and I did, staring at the ground as my spine curved. My hands were turning black now, becoming more and more like paws. I forced myself to look up and the rest of the circle was experiencing the same thing, in a greater or lesser degree. I felt no fear in this transformation, only joy and exhilaration. Then, I noticed my left hand…my paw… a black paw. I could see the faces of my friends fading… becoming more beast-like and I felt that my face mirrored the same…
I woke up, thinking: "God, I shifted..." I remembered the sensations of the shift/transformation very vividly. I could FEEL my back bending. I could FEEL my fingers fusing… There was no pain though… It was physical shift of sorts… a partial one… and it was memorable!
The dream-shift has etched something in my mind and I am still feeling a little "weird"... *smile* I actually drew out the stages of physical transformation in the dream. Will get them scanned...
The wolf is the dominant wereside in me, making itself known in dreams. I run. I howl, singing to the stars. I dance in the richness of spring and glorify nature with my voice.
Recently, the tiger has more or less integrated.
The dragon is not really a were-side, as I have been told by some... but it's more like a soul, if you believe in reincarnation and transmigration of souls.
Phoenix is also another who has found refuge in me. Flames, fire, the sun, solar patterns... that is her.
Recently, the tiger has more or less integrated.
The dragon is not really a were-side, as I have been told by some... but it's more like a soul, if you believe in reincarnation and transmigration of souls.
Phoenix is also another who has found refuge in me. Flames, fire, the sun, solar patterns... that is her.
Well, it's true, folks. Wereism is not instant ramen at all. If you want fast and quick methods to become a were, then this rant-essay will probably offend your sensibilities.
Why? Well, the following words will be sharp and uncompromising. I have seen an alarming number of young people who want their wereism, fast, now instant. Just to say that such attitudes are wrong and partly due to the 'fast-food' mentality modern life has brought along.
Scenario One: You go to your favorite were message board. It's a nice day and you want to unwind by meeting like-minded folk online. Okay. You log on and lo and behold... a newbie has appeared and he (or she) wants to know how to p-shift quickly. The tone of his (or her) post gives you the impression that this newbie wants to learn it NOW. Does this sound familiar?
"hiyas, i am new here. Can somone teach me to p-shift? i want to be a were!"
Hmmm.
The incidence of such cases is rising faster than a hot-air balloon. And I have thoughts about it.
A lot of kids are brought up on the McDonalds syndrome. Go up to a counter , rattle off their orders and presto! Their breakfast/lunch/dinner is served. Likewise, you get the new-fangled stuff coming up like MP3s, downloadable material from the Internet... and oh yes, the Internet where you can get things so easily.
It's not surprising that newbie weres (or wannabes) treat wereism like a MP3 or instant noodles. Pour hot water into said container of wereism noodles, wait for three minutes and hey, you have wereism ready to be consumed/assimilated. Whatever happened to 'effort'? Whatever happened to 'taking things seriously'? Whatever happened to 'learning things the slow way'?
Because the slow way is 'not cool'. Because 'I want it now!'.
Whoa, whoa, kid. Slow down. Sit and think. Oh, is thinking too hard for you now, eh?
Well, you have found your wolf (or your wolf has found you). That's good. No, wait, you want to shift and you have to shift right now. Okay. Fine. But have you ever thought about wereism a spiritual path?
Yes, a spiritual path where you learn how to walk with your animal partner/ wereside. A path where you will find that it's not that easy to walk on. You will find land-slides, pot-holes and barren ground. Sometimes, you will encounter rose bushes with thorns. But you will also learn to fly across it when you appreciate your animal partner(s) by learning about its strengths, its weaknesses, its whole being.
You need to learn, slowly. If you are young on the path, learn by taking baby steps. Do research. Look around. The forest has a lot of things to offer you. Use your eyes, your ears and your heart. Utilize your senses. Taking baby steps is not a bad or shameful things. People who want things fast often hit ground zero and get themselves injured (or burnt) at the end. If you have accomplished learning baby steps, graduate to the next level and slowly, you will learn.
I know some of you will not listen to me. You probably find that the path of being a were...being a shifter... is not easy. Hell, who ever says that being a were is easy? The easy way out (ie, the instant noodles way) looks simple and user-friendly (taking the term from the computer world!). But like instant noodles, it will fill you up only for a short while. Also, it isn't really that nourishing either.
Moreover, have you ever questioned yourself why you want to shift? Have you ever examined your own motives?
One thing: I am not saying that wanting to shift is a bad thing. Many of us want to shift. Wanting to shift is a legitimate desire. I am just saying that you can't rush head-long into wereism. Don't force it. It will come to you slowly, but surely. If you want it now, are you trying to satisfy your own personal motivations? Are you doing it because you think it's 'cool' to p-shift (or m-shift or d-shift or phantom-shift, whatever)'? Are you doing it because you see other weres doing it?
Think about that.
If you want only to satisfy that hunger by quick methods, well... you can choose the instant ramen way. But if you really want to work together, co-operate with your animal partner(s), go slow. Learn, un-learn, enjoy and understanding.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appendix:
1. One thing; I like instant noodles. I ate them (as snacks) when I was finishing my university degrees. But as I have said, they are not that nourishing and prolonged eating of it will damage your health.
2. There are many ways to work with your animal partner(s) or weresides. By eating well (healthy food, no fast food!), a lot of fresh air and a healthy attitude, you and your animal sides will benefit. I mean, you can't keep an animal indoor all the time, right? It will go crazy or worse, it will become bored as heck. Exercise. Go out. Enjoy fresh air, green grass and feel the wind on your skin. There's nothing better than feeling invigorated and refreshed after a run/jog.
3. If you want to throw sodden instant noodles at me, please feel free to email me at sabersger@yahoo.com.
Why? Well, the following words will be sharp and uncompromising. I have seen an alarming number of young people who want their wereism, fast, now instant. Just to say that such attitudes are wrong and partly due to the 'fast-food' mentality modern life has brought along.
Scenario One: You go to your favorite were message board. It's a nice day and you want to unwind by meeting like-minded folk online. Okay. You log on and lo and behold... a newbie has appeared and he (or she) wants to know how to p-shift quickly. The tone of his (or her) post gives you the impression that this newbie wants to learn it NOW. Does this sound familiar?
"hiyas, i am new here. Can somone teach me to p-shift? i want to be a were!"
Hmmm.
The incidence of such cases is rising faster than a hot-air balloon. And I have thoughts about it.
A lot of kids are brought up on the McDonalds syndrome. Go up to a counter , rattle off their orders and presto! Their breakfast/lunch/dinner is served. Likewise, you get the new-fangled stuff coming up like MP3s, downloadable material from the Internet... and oh yes, the Internet where you can get things so easily.
It's not surprising that newbie weres (or wannabes) treat wereism like a MP3 or instant noodles. Pour hot water into said container of wereism noodles, wait for three minutes and hey, you have wereism ready to be consumed/assimilated. Whatever happened to 'effort'? Whatever happened to 'taking things seriously'? Whatever happened to 'learning things the slow way'?
Because the slow way is 'not cool'. Because 'I want it now!'.
Whoa, whoa, kid. Slow down. Sit and think. Oh, is thinking too hard for you now, eh?
Well, you have found your wolf (or your wolf has found you). That's good. No, wait, you want to shift and you have to shift right now. Okay. Fine. But have you ever thought about wereism a spiritual path?
Yes, a spiritual path where you learn how to walk with your animal partner/ wereside. A path where you will find that it's not that easy to walk on. You will find land-slides, pot-holes and barren ground. Sometimes, you will encounter rose bushes with thorns. But you will also learn to fly across it when you appreciate your animal partner(s) by learning about its strengths, its weaknesses, its whole being.
You need to learn, slowly. If you are young on the path, learn by taking baby steps. Do research. Look around. The forest has a lot of things to offer you. Use your eyes, your ears and your heart. Utilize your senses. Taking baby steps is not a bad or shameful things. People who want things fast often hit ground zero and get themselves injured (or burnt) at the end. If you have accomplished learning baby steps, graduate to the next level and slowly, you will learn.
I know some of you will not listen to me. You probably find that the path of being a were...being a shifter... is not easy. Hell, who ever says that being a were is easy? The easy way out (ie, the instant noodles way) looks simple and user-friendly (taking the term from the computer world!). But like instant noodles, it will fill you up only for a short while. Also, it isn't really that nourishing either.
Moreover, have you ever questioned yourself why you want to shift? Have you ever examined your own motives?
One thing: I am not saying that wanting to shift is a bad thing. Many of us want to shift. Wanting to shift is a legitimate desire. I am just saying that you can't rush head-long into wereism. Don't force it. It will come to you slowly, but surely. If you want it now, are you trying to satisfy your own personal motivations? Are you doing it because you think it's 'cool' to p-shift (or m-shift or d-shift or phantom-shift, whatever)'? Are you doing it because you see other weres doing it?
Think about that.
If you want only to satisfy that hunger by quick methods, well... you can choose the instant ramen way. But if you really want to work together, co-operate with your animal partner(s), go slow. Learn, un-learn, enjoy and understanding.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appendix:
1. One thing; I like instant noodles. I ate them (as snacks) when I was finishing my university degrees. But as I have said, they are not that nourishing and prolonged eating of it will damage your health.
2. There are many ways to work with your animal partner(s) or weresides. By eating well (healthy food, no fast food!), a lot of fresh air and a healthy attitude, you and your animal sides will benefit. I mean, you can't keep an animal indoor all the time, right? It will go crazy or worse, it will become bored as heck. Exercise. Go out. Enjoy fresh air, green grass and feel the wind on your skin. There's nothing better than feeling invigorated and refreshed after a run/jog.
3. If you want to throw sodden instant noodles at me, please feel free to email me at sabersger@yahoo.com.
What is a community? What constitutes a community? People? Values? Laws and rules that form the bedrock and foundation of a gathering of like-minded people? There are many types of 'community' we find in society: the town center, the church congregation, schools/educational institutions, social and hobby clubs etc etc. Likewise, we find various sorts of 'community': there are groups of women, groups for adults, Star Trek and science-fiction groups that have a huge clout on the Internet and other various social/human gatherings. As long as they have the same denominator (either age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, interests etc), you will have a 'community' constructed from the said denominator and around it (if you have to add in other boundaries).
A community has its benefits. Security. Reassurance that you are not alone. Identity (of who you are). There are people whom you can talk, friends to meet and make. A community is basically and instrinically good.
I guess the online 'were community' has the same features of a beneficial (and I am not saying that it is bad) community. Weres/shifters of different races and ages are able to go online and meet fellow weres. Friends are made. People can go to Howls. Chatting in real time is made faster by chat rooms and IRC channels. Similarly, there are sites whereby newbies can go and learn more about therianthropy and wereism. Honestly speaking, it is a fantastic eye-opening experience, especially for a young learner. Furthermore, for young teenage weres/shifters, they will find people who can listen to them without censure, derision or outright discrimination.
But as time goes by, the newbie were starts to see something amiss in the community. He/she realizes that there are different groupings and factions. He/she also sees the cracks that run alongside the infrastructure and read things that are confusing, disturbing and in short, unpleasant. Then, it dawns on the young were: the were community is made up of different groups, with their own factions and agendas. There are online packs with their own politics, sites advocating their own truths and more. Worse, there are the constant bickering and bitching that go on *behind* the nice facade.
Whatever happened to the discussion of therianthropy, of who we are? The recent fiasco about shifter's disease points to a few things: politics, personal vendettas and miscommunication. The current AHWW (alt.horror.werewolves) newgroup is now populated by whiny adolescents who push their own brand of 'therianthropy' (or anti-therianthropy), calling themselves the 'Royal Family'.
Now for the young were, this realization is a harsh wake-up call. The 'were community' is no better than the Star Trek fandom or the near-by swimming club. Human politics. Human greed, avarice and the desire to jockey for the best position. He/she starts to ask: "Are we deceiving ourselves?"
So, are we?
Are we simply another bunch of fanboys and fangirls (werewolf and shape-shifter fandom, anyone?)? Indulging in fannish stuff like were art and fiction? Or, competing in website popularity? I am sure that I am going to get angry emails filled with ruffled fur and feathers, of uppity tones telling that I am wrong (along the lines of "I am a fan but so what?!" or "You don't understand me and you don't know me!") But if you really take the time to sit down and *think* about it, then ask youself: "What does the online were community remind you of?" We can say that we are weres (proudly). But... BUT ...this statement doesn't explain the kind of behavior I am seeing. I have seen the same thing happen in the Star Trek groups. A lot of bitching, smear campaigns and nasty back-stabbing. Unpleasant, yes.
Perhaps, we can blame our human sides (convenient as always).
Dang it. We are *still* human. No matter how hard we try to rise above petty human (or hyooman) squabblings, we are sadly human. We are still greedy, grasping, vainglorious and competitive. We become rather clannish (clique-ish), we stick with our own friends (or packmates). No matter how 'animal' we are, we are still fettered by such thinking. We form factions based on viewpoints, we develop Jupiter-size egos,we become *political*.
We can tie ourselves into pretzels and knots with the definitions of shifting and types of weres. We can argue until the cows come home. We can bitch about wereism being owned by nobody else (which is true, anyway. WEREISM IS NOT A COMMODITY TO BE OWNED.).
Sad, eh? The truth hurts, akin to the removal of a Band-aid. It is painful to watch and it is painful to be the one who is peeling off the Band-aid. Egos are best handled with carefully when they are sore and tender from too much bruising.
So what can *we* do about this current situation?
Do nothing about it? Sit there and stare at the ceiling?
(Though I have to admire the efforts built into Therianthropy.Org, Were.Net, the Werelist and Shifters.Org. Now, that's doing *something*.)
The ball is now in your court. You *make* the decision. You *think* about it.
*Want to rant back to me? Have something you want to get off your chest? Email me at sabersger@yahoo.com*
***
Appendix
The AHWW (alt.horror.werewolves) newsgroup: I came into the 'were community' after the splintering/ winter of discontent. Alt.horror.werewolves became quite popular around 1995 (which ironically was the same period when I came online) and soon the newsgroup developed into a gathering of people who have experienced shape-shifting of various sorts. I knew that the old regulars still view that period with a sense of nostalgia (judging by the transcripts taken from AHWW). But the AHWW of today is a far cry from the AHWW of the past. It is now dominated by super egos, silly meowers (lamers, with a different name, that's all) and any shred of therianthropy has been sandblasted away.
But truely, the old AHWW was possibly the first 'were community' to be formed.
The Star Trek fandom: I was (still am, actually) involved with the online Star Trek (fan fiction) fandom and I saw the same things happening: writers having their own factions, squabbling over *writing styles* (for crying out loud), dissension over different genres/categories of writing (het vs same-sex, sex scene vs porn etc). Likewise, there are writers who have super-big egos and they simply love praise. Negative feedback is considered as a 'flame'! Of course, we have the 'loveharmonypeace' attitude that permeates some mailing lists/groups the moment there is something akin to discussion (not flaming): "We love what we write and we don't care!" Juvenile? Yes. Or better (or worse, if you like), so-called dissension/discussion is beaten down with a huge stick labelled with the age-old adage "IDIC" (staunch Trekkers will know what I mean).
A community has its benefits. Security. Reassurance that you are not alone. Identity (of who you are). There are people whom you can talk, friends to meet and make. A community is basically and instrinically good.
I guess the online 'were community' has the same features of a beneficial (and I am not saying that it is bad) community. Weres/shifters of different races and ages are able to go online and meet fellow weres. Friends are made. People can go to Howls. Chatting in real time is made faster by chat rooms and IRC channels. Similarly, there are sites whereby newbies can go and learn more about therianthropy and wereism. Honestly speaking, it is a fantastic eye-opening experience, especially for a young learner. Furthermore, for young teenage weres/shifters, they will find people who can listen to them without censure, derision or outright discrimination.
But as time goes by, the newbie were starts to see something amiss in the community. He/she realizes that there are different groupings and factions. He/she also sees the cracks that run alongside the infrastructure and read things that are confusing, disturbing and in short, unpleasant. Then, it dawns on the young were: the were community is made up of different groups, with their own factions and agendas. There are online packs with their own politics, sites advocating their own truths and more. Worse, there are the constant bickering and bitching that go on *behind* the nice facade.
Whatever happened to the discussion of therianthropy, of who we are? The recent fiasco about shifter's disease points to a few things: politics, personal vendettas and miscommunication. The current AHWW (alt.horror.werewolves) newgroup is now populated by whiny adolescents who push their own brand of 'therianthropy' (or anti-therianthropy), calling themselves the 'Royal Family'.
Now for the young were, this realization is a harsh wake-up call. The 'were community' is no better than the Star Trek fandom or the near-by swimming club. Human politics. Human greed, avarice and the desire to jockey for the best position. He/she starts to ask: "Are we deceiving ourselves?"
So, are we?
Are we simply another bunch of fanboys and fangirls (werewolf and shape-shifter fandom, anyone?)? Indulging in fannish stuff like were art and fiction? Or, competing in website popularity? I am sure that I am going to get angry emails filled with ruffled fur and feathers, of uppity tones telling that I am wrong (along the lines of "I am a fan but so what?!" or "You don't understand me and you don't know me!") But if you really take the time to sit down and *think* about it, then ask youself: "What does the online were community remind you of?" We can say that we are weres (proudly). But... BUT ...this statement doesn't explain the kind of behavior I am seeing. I have seen the same thing happen in the Star Trek groups. A lot of bitching, smear campaigns and nasty back-stabbing. Unpleasant, yes.
Perhaps, we can blame our human sides (convenient as always).
Dang it. We are *still* human. No matter how hard we try to rise above petty human (or hyooman) squabblings, we are sadly human. We are still greedy, grasping, vainglorious and competitive. We become rather clannish (clique-ish), we stick with our own friends (or packmates). No matter how 'animal' we are, we are still fettered by such thinking. We form factions based on viewpoints, we develop Jupiter-size egos,we become *political*.
We can tie ourselves into pretzels and knots with the definitions of shifting and types of weres. We can argue until the cows come home. We can bitch about wereism being owned by nobody else (which is true, anyway. WEREISM IS NOT A COMMODITY TO BE OWNED.).
Sad, eh? The truth hurts, akin to the removal of a Band-aid. It is painful to watch and it is painful to be the one who is peeling off the Band-aid. Egos are best handled with carefully when they are sore and tender from too much bruising.
So what can *we* do about this current situation?
Do nothing about it? Sit there and stare at the ceiling?
(Though I have to admire the efforts built into Therianthropy.Org, Were.Net, the Werelist and Shifters.Org. Now, that's doing *something*.)
The ball is now in your court. You *make* the decision. You *think* about it.
*Want to rant back to me? Have something you want to get off your chest? Email me at sabersger@yahoo.com*
***
Appendix
The AHWW (alt.horror.werewolves) newsgroup: I came into the 'were community' after the splintering/ winter of discontent. Alt.horror.werewolves became quite popular around 1995 (which ironically was the same period when I came online) and soon the newsgroup developed into a gathering of people who have experienced shape-shifting of various sorts. I knew that the old regulars still view that period with a sense of nostalgia (judging by the transcripts taken from AHWW). But the AHWW of today is a far cry from the AHWW of the past. It is now dominated by super egos, silly meowers (lamers, with a different name, that's all) and any shred of therianthropy has been sandblasted away.
But truely, the old AHWW was possibly the first 'were community' to be formed.
The Star Trek fandom: I was (still am, actually) involved with the online Star Trek (fan fiction) fandom and I saw the same things happening: writers having their own factions, squabbling over *writing styles* (for crying out loud), dissension over different genres/categories of writing (het vs same-sex, sex scene vs porn etc). Likewise, there are writers who have super-big egos and they simply love praise. Negative feedback is considered as a 'flame'! Of course, we have the 'loveharmonypeace' attitude that permeates some mailing lists/groups the moment there is something akin to discussion (not flaming): "We love what we write and we don't care!" Juvenile? Yes. Or better (or worse, if you like), so-called dissension/discussion is beaten down with a huge stick labelled with the age-old adage "IDIC" (staunch Trekkers will know what I mean).
All through our lives, we create our own identities. Sometimes, society imposes identities on us as well. At home, in school, in the playground, in the workplace - we have our own personal identities. Within us, we also have our core identities, the Selves we know most intimately. Close to our skin.
Why (en)gendering a were/shifter identity? Why the word-play on gender? For me, I have been a keen observer of gender identity and gender studies, thanks to my feminist training in university. I am feminist and I tend to see things in terms of gender at times. I believe that being were/shifter is also colored by how we view gender. Moreover, the line(s) defining gender are often blurred as we find gay, lesbian and bisexual weres/shifters, as well as weres/shifters who are male but having 'female' phenotypes and vice versa. Transgendered. Trans-species. The lines are blurred, the boundaries merging.
My own experience(s) of being a were/shifter are - in my personal opinion - influenced by how gender is being viewed, through societal (and psychological) filters. Furthermore, I see 'wolf' as a distinctly masculine animal/archetype. It is a 'yang' animal, bringing the yin and yang concepts of the Tao. Most interestingly, I am often being described, by friends and relatives, that I am quite tomboy-ish. Or masculine. Is it because of the fact that I see wolf as masculine or that I am already masculine, in spirit?
To me, being a were/shifter ideally transcends all boundaries. You are not your biological body. You are not your biological sex/gender. The key word here is 'ideally'. As much as we like to say that we are weres/shifters and we are not influenced by things around us, we are pretty influenced by the societies we are born in and the genders we are given/born with. Through our life experiences, we engender our own identities and we often factor in new influences as we mature through life.
We often change...or adapt our identities here and I daresay that we change our identities even as weres/shifters. Our were/animal selves/sides change as we change. By 'change', I mean 'age'. We mature, we grow, we learn new things, we discard old things, we interweave new concepts into us... and our were/animal selves change too. What role does gender play in this picture?
In Life, we find ourselves finding issues. Issues of gender and sex roles. And we often negotiate these issues in the best ways we can. Our were/animal selves will also adapt to these negotiations. What is 'male'? What is 'female'? We dance through ambiguities, adapting them to our identities. We find ourselves imbuing our were/animals with gender. Is a female were/shifter with a wolf phenotype a she- wolf because she is female or thinks that she is a she-wolf, therefor she is female? Likewise, how about those weres/shifters who are born biologically male but are feminine, because their were/animal selves are thought to be female?
In the end, our were/shifter identities are subject to the ways we view gender. The animal archetypes might be genderless but we are still negotiating the currents and flows of gender, hence influencing the way we see ourselves as weres/shifters.
Why (en)gendering a were/shifter identity? Why the word-play on gender? For me, I have been a keen observer of gender identity and gender studies, thanks to my feminist training in university. I am feminist and I tend to see things in terms of gender at times. I believe that being were/shifter is also colored by how we view gender. Moreover, the line(s) defining gender are often blurred as we find gay, lesbian and bisexual weres/shifters, as well as weres/shifters who are male but having 'female' phenotypes and vice versa. Transgendered. Trans-species. The lines are blurred, the boundaries merging.
My own experience(s) of being a were/shifter are - in my personal opinion - influenced by how gender is being viewed, through societal (and psychological) filters. Furthermore, I see 'wolf' as a distinctly masculine animal/archetype. It is a 'yang' animal, bringing the yin and yang concepts of the Tao. Most interestingly, I am often being described, by friends and relatives, that I am quite tomboy-ish. Or masculine. Is it because of the fact that I see wolf as masculine or that I am already masculine, in spirit?
To me, being a were/shifter ideally transcends all boundaries. You are not your biological body. You are not your biological sex/gender. The key word here is 'ideally'. As much as we like to say that we are weres/shifters and we are not influenced by things around us, we are pretty influenced by the societies we are born in and the genders we are given/born with. Through our life experiences, we engender our own identities and we often factor in new influences as we mature through life.
We often change...or adapt our identities here and I daresay that we change our identities even as weres/shifters. Our were/animal selves/sides change as we change. By 'change', I mean 'age'. We mature, we grow, we learn new things, we discard old things, we interweave new concepts into us... and our were/animal selves change too. What role does gender play in this picture?
In Life, we find ourselves finding issues. Issues of gender and sex roles. And we often negotiate these issues in the best ways we can. Our were/animal selves will also adapt to these negotiations. What is 'male'? What is 'female'? We dance through ambiguities, adapting them to our identities. We find ourselves imbuing our were/animals with gender. Is a female were/shifter with a wolf phenotype a she- wolf because she is female or thinks that she is a she-wolf, therefor she is female? Likewise, how about those weres/shifters who are born biologically male but are feminine, because their were/animal selves are thought to be female?
In the end, our were/shifter identities are subject to the ways we view gender. The animal archetypes might be genderless but we are still negotiating the currents and flows of gender, hence influencing the way we see ourselves as weres/shifters.
"So imagistically -- be you a Black wolf, a Northern Gray, a Southern Red, or an Artic White -- you are the quintessential instinctual criatura . Although some might really prefer you behave yourself and not climb all over the furniture in joy or all over people in welcome, do it anyway. Some will draw back from you in fear or disgust. Your lover ,however, will cherish this new aspect of you -- if he or she be the right lover for you.
Some people will not it if you take a sniff at everything to see what it is. And for heaven's sakes, no lying on your back with your feet up in the air. Bad girl. Bad wolf. Bad dog. Right? Wrong. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself."
--- Women Who Run With the Wolves, p. 36.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So speaks Clarissa Pinkola Estes who sees the inner self as wolf. Although Women Who Run With the Wolves is meant for women, I feel that there is truth in what Ms Este has written. She is writing, first and foremost, about the soul/spirit. Moreover, she sees the soul/spirit as wolf. For her, wolf and woman are intertwined, joined together psychically, spiritually. It is a powerful image and symbol: woman as wolf and wolf as woman.
When I first read the book, I felt an immediate connection. It was all so true! Around this time, I was at the early stages of my awereness, busy researching to find out what was going on with my life. I mean, I was given a powerful Dream (in which I shape-shifted into a black wolf) and all the while, wolf has been a predominant archetype in my own personal journey. Clarissa's book spoke (and still does) volumes. The spirit as wolf. My spirit as wolf. Wow.
Where does all these tie in spiritual shape-shifting? Well, it is my personal opinion that our inner selves are able to shape-shift. Like water, our spirits flow, swirl and can solidify. For us shifters, the imagery of water is crucial. We see water in various forms: plain flowing, solid ice, snow and even molecules. It is the ultimate shape-shifter. Super-impose the concept of shape-shifting water onto our spiritual animal selves. Taking from SFX (special effects) terminology, we can 'morph' into our spiritual animal selves.
There are many ways to spiritually shape-shift. There is the Native American way of connecting with your spirit/totem animal. There is creative visualization (or meditation). I personally choose the creative visualization method.
Firstly, if you want to shape-shift, go and find a place away from distractions. Cars, people, sounds of modernization... will easily distract you from your task. Give yourself some sacred personal time. Find a place where you find comfortable. Your room is fine but remember to un-hook your phone (if you don't want to find yourself rudely shaken by a jangling phone-call!). Going to a green area helps. A field, the nearby garden, a patch of green near your house.
Now, if you are ready, lie down. Relax. Breathe deepily (not the shallow unsatisfying one we do in our daily lives). Mute out all the tiny sounds around you. Breathe. Mentally count from one to ten. Breathe as you do.
Close your eyes, breathing deepily and slowly. Vividly imagine a forest. Tall majestic trees, the canopy of green pierced by sunlight. Imagine a brook gurgling softly, the water moving. Mentally *feel* the water on your feet.
When you are done, if you are relaxed, vividly imagine yourself changin. From your feet , you begin to see your toes becoming more and more wolf-like. Feel the change moving up your body, feel the fur growing, seeping forth. You imagine your hands turning into paws, fur taking over human skin. At the same time, there is no pain. Feel the shift as if you are putting on a huge velvet glove. Imagine growing wolf-ears, feel the ruff of fur around your head.
Run your tongue over your canine teeth. Test out your paws. Walk. Feel. Be.
Well, you feel yourself ready to return back to human form, imagine yourself standing up, straightening...slowly slowly slowly. The fur returns back into your skin. Your teeth becomes normal human ones. You are now human again.
This method might work for some. It might not work for all. Also, if you are a non-wolf shifter, use your instincts and shift to your own inner animal. It is not easy, the first time. I was so distracted by noises that I couldn't even concentrate. It was annoying and frustrating. But I persisted. The few times I'd succeeded, I could actually feel the wind rushing past my face as I ran. At one time, I thought I tasted my own fur!
Also, if you want to feel connected to your animal within/phenotype, learn and observe. Watch how an animal of the same phenotype will act in the wild. How it moves. How it interacts with its social group. How it thinks. If you are a cat shifter, mimick, learn. If you are a wolf shifter, watch wolves.
One thing though: there is no 'right' way to spiritually shape-shift. This essay contains my own experiences and I hope I haven't confused anyone yet. *smile*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appendix:
1. Try Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. There is a section on spiritual shape-shifting. Try also Animal Magic by D.J.Conway. If you want to research, bookstores and libraries will have material on your phenotypes. There are a lot of books on wolves, cats, tigers etc etc. Of Wolves and Men, by Barry Lopez, will be great for wolf shifters.
2. As I will always say, the path will not be easy. You will face set-backs, failures. Sometimes, you will be so distracted by physical and mental noises that you can't concentrate. But persist, be determined.
3. If you want to talk to me, well, you know to the drill: email me at sabersger@yahoo.com.
Some people will not it if you take a sniff at everything to see what it is. And for heaven's sakes, no lying on your back with your feet up in the air. Bad girl. Bad wolf. Bad dog. Right? Wrong. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself."
--- Women Who Run With the Wolves, p. 36.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So speaks Clarissa Pinkola Estes who sees the inner self as wolf. Although Women Who Run With the Wolves is meant for women, I feel that there is truth in what Ms Este has written. She is writing, first and foremost, about the soul/spirit. Moreover, she sees the soul/spirit as wolf. For her, wolf and woman are intertwined, joined together psychically, spiritually. It is a powerful image and symbol: woman as wolf and wolf as woman.
When I first read the book, I felt an immediate connection. It was all so true! Around this time, I was at the early stages of my awereness, busy researching to find out what was going on with my life. I mean, I was given a powerful Dream (in which I shape-shifted into a black wolf) and all the while, wolf has been a predominant archetype in my own personal journey. Clarissa's book spoke (and still does) volumes. The spirit as wolf. My spirit as wolf. Wow.
Where does all these tie in spiritual shape-shifting? Well, it is my personal opinion that our inner selves are able to shape-shift. Like water, our spirits flow, swirl and can solidify. For us shifters, the imagery of water is crucial. We see water in various forms: plain flowing, solid ice, snow and even molecules. It is the ultimate shape-shifter. Super-impose the concept of shape-shifting water onto our spiritual animal selves. Taking from SFX (special effects) terminology, we can 'morph' into our spiritual animal selves.
There are many ways to spiritually shape-shift. There is the Native American way of connecting with your spirit/totem animal. There is creative visualization (or meditation). I personally choose the creative visualization method.
Firstly, if you want to shape-shift, go and find a place away from distractions. Cars, people, sounds of modernization... will easily distract you from your task. Give yourself some sacred personal time. Find a place where you find comfortable. Your room is fine but remember to un-hook your phone (if you don't want to find yourself rudely shaken by a jangling phone-call!). Going to a green area helps. A field, the nearby garden, a patch of green near your house.
Now, if you are ready, lie down. Relax. Breathe deepily (not the shallow unsatisfying one we do in our daily lives). Mute out all the tiny sounds around you. Breathe. Mentally count from one to ten. Breathe as you do.
Close your eyes, breathing deepily and slowly. Vividly imagine a forest. Tall majestic trees, the canopy of green pierced by sunlight. Imagine a brook gurgling softly, the water moving. Mentally *feel* the water on your feet.
When you are done, if you are relaxed, vividly imagine yourself changin. From your feet , you begin to see your toes becoming more and more wolf-like. Feel the change moving up your body, feel the fur growing, seeping forth. You imagine your hands turning into paws, fur taking over human skin. At the same time, there is no pain. Feel the shift as if you are putting on a huge velvet glove. Imagine growing wolf-ears, feel the ruff of fur around your head.
Run your tongue over your canine teeth. Test out your paws. Walk. Feel. Be.
Well, you feel yourself ready to return back to human form, imagine yourself standing up, straightening...slowly slowly slowly. The fur returns back into your skin. Your teeth becomes normal human ones. You are now human again.
This method might work for some. It might not work for all. Also, if you are a non-wolf shifter, use your instincts and shift to your own inner animal. It is not easy, the first time. I was so distracted by noises that I couldn't even concentrate. It was annoying and frustrating. But I persisted. The few times I'd succeeded, I could actually feel the wind rushing past my face as I ran. At one time, I thought I tasted my own fur!
Also, if you want to feel connected to your animal within/phenotype, learn and observe. Watch how an animal of the same phenotype will act in the wild. How it moves. How it interacts with its social group. How it thinks. If you are a cat shifter, mimick, learn. If you are a wolf shifter, watch wolves.
One thing though: there is no 'right' way to spiritually shape-shift. This essay contains my own experiences and I hope I haven't confused anyone yet. *smile*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appendix:
1. Try Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. There is a section on spiritual shape-shifting. Try also Animal Magic by D.J.Conway. If you want to research, bookstores and libraries will have material on your phenotypes. There are a lot of books on wolves, cats, tigers etc etc. Of Wolves and Men, by Barry Lopez, will be great for wolf shifters.
2. As I will always say, the path will not be easy. You will face set-backs, failures. Sometimes, you will be so distracted by physical and mental noises that you can't concentrate. But persist, be determined.
3. If you want to talk to me, well, you know to the drill: email me at sabersger@yahoo.com.
.
